A STATE OF BEINGNESS

'Kediaman' is a state of beingness, not a description of an object. 

My experience with @rumahtokcu began as a journey towards silence and peace, 'ke arah diam & aman'. It started in 2016 when I was introduced to a riverside village in Kampung Sungai Buluh, Sedim, Kedah by a friend. 

It was also a time when I was struggling to cope with my 'overthinking' betawaves state, to a point that it began to disrupt my own inner peace, both mentally and emotionally. It also affected my body, physiologically. I suspected that it was triggered by several personal factors, including the passing of my father and my nephew. At one point, I was hospitalized for 3 days, went through few tests, and diagnosed as having a symptom called 'non-voluntary' muscle movement due to overthinking. I was told that it was a 'lifestyle-induced' symptom, that can only be healed by a change of lifestyle choices. Of course, there were different types of 'drugs' available, but I didnt want to add another bad addiction to my existing list of addiction. 

I was told to identify the 'source' of my overthinking, and if possible, get rid of it. If I could not, I was told to choose the correct way, both mentally and emotionally, to deal with it. In short, I needed to carefully and consciously choose what I want to think and feel. I needed to take care of my mental and emotional states, my beingness. If not, the overthinking may cause more damages, some of which would implicate those who were close to me, those whom I loved and cared dearly. 

I knew then that I needed to embark on a journey towards silence and peace, 'ke arah diam & aman = kediaman.' As I struggled to make peace with myself, I had to make few critical decisions that may appear as counter productive if framed within a certain paradigm and set of conditioned thinking. I had to embrace a new paradigm, a paradigm based on traditional cosmology, or a cosmology of sustainability. The 'changes' had to b driven by compassion.

Looking back, the journey has been 6 years. RumahTokCu is now my signifier of 'kediaman'. But more than that, it is about shifting my 'state of beingness' rather than only 'knowingness'.

SENAFAS-SENADI...

....is a state if being in peace with my own self, with other beings, with the pulses of Nature and the whole Universe. So, 'senafas-senadi' is about the quality of connection or relationship rather than quantity. The pillar of these connections is the connection with God. Disconnection is the source of pain and sickness, misery and self destruction, which will eventually destruct others and Nature. 

My 6 years journey of reconnecting has been a journey of healing. It has been an experiential learning lesson that has brought me to awe, humility and compassion. These are intangible 'rasa' that can only be experienced at @rumahtokcu . But the residual markers from my reflective activities in and around the habitat of RumahTokCu for the past 6 years, can be experienced here at @mgtfusm, soon.

"BALIKLA NOI!!"

Seperti baru semalam kita sama2 bersekolah. Hari ini kamu susah tiada. Selamat pulang kembali ke negeri abadi, duhai kawan ku. Moga roh mu dicucuri rahmat. Salam buat arwah bonda dan ayahanda mu Cikgu Aziz, guru seni lukis ku yg pertama, juga ayah angkat ku. Aku hanya dpt bayangkan betapa bahagianya kamu semua dpt bertemu kembali.  

Aku akan merindui kamu, kawan. Rumah kamu pernah menjadi rumah kedua aku. Juga padang permainan dan sekolah senilukis pertama utk aku.  Teluk Intan makin hilang sinar. Segala kenangan bersama, sejak kita kecil akan tersemat di hati. Aku terlalu sedih utk terus menulis. Aku dah penat berada dlm sedih. 

Pesan mu akan aku simpan dlm hati, "baliklah Noi."

EXPERIENCING & BEING THE 'HALUS'.

 

Whatever we want to attract, we be. Be love, we will attract love. We dont have to chase. We attract, we draw in. We attract through the act of painting. The best brainwave for experiencing the act of painting is Theta. To do it, we need to make our noisy Beta wave transparent. First order is to be in calmness and silence. That is an Alpha state, a frequency range between Beta and Theta, like a bridge. If we can continue persistently in this state, we can reach the intended Theta state. Its a state of 'total absorbtion' into the act of painting. It is a state where we dissolve into the act of painting. Its a 'khusyuk' state.  It is in that state where we immerse in the sea of our mind and feeling. Thats the door into the 'halus' dimension of painting. Every physical presence has the 'halus' dimension, the quantum dimension, the dimension of higher frequencies that cant b experienced through our 5 senses. It can only be experienced directly through our believe, affirmation (keyakinan), intention, mind and emotion. In short, our quality of beingness, not just knowingness. It develops our intuition, which is the 'rasa' without relying on information. Its a state where we stop from chasing knowing, but attracting being. Thats why u will be awarded with Ijazah Seni 'Halus'. If not, u only deserve to be awarded with only seni without the 'halus'. May the force n with u ol.

PRACTICE TO SERVICE

My multidisciplinary practice contributes to what I teach, so that I can serve my students better. Help me to continue my service better.

DEMI MASA MU

Anugerah kesedaran menghasilkan ilusi masa. Ilusi masa menghasilkan ilusi ruang. Masa dan ruang adalah ujian utk penjaga amanah, 'guardians, custodians of the sacred Trust'.

Amamahnya adalah menjaga kesejahteraan dgn rasa belas. Utk itu, perlu diselak hijab ilusi masa dan ruang. Perlu berpesan-pesan.

Jika pun ramai yg tidak mahu diam, tidak mahu melihat, mendengar, merasa getaran fikir dan perasaan sendiri yg berkocak itu, menepisnya dalam 'mass denial' yg terhijab oleh candu2 serta umpan2 haloba, tetap pesan2 sebegini akan diteruskan hingga akhir masa. 

2015 YG MEMBUKA

Sejak 2012, hampir setiap tahun sekali, saya ke Barakat, Kampung Selat Bagan Nyiur, Pulau Dayang Bunting, Langkawi. Dua kali untuk membawa #H3ROziarah kpd anak2 sekolah rendah di situ. Lokasi ini membuka hati saya hingga terhasil pula @rumahtokcu  pada 2018.

Saya bertaut dgn anak2 di sini untuk memanjangkan kasih dan belas serta pesan2 kedua bonda dan arwah ayahanda. Saya percaya itu amat memulihkan saya dan mereka. Saya ke sini bukan utk menghulur bantuan atau derma, atau apa sumbangan2 fizikal. Saya tak mampu melakukan itu. Bukan juga sebagai acara utk dipamer, difestival, dipertanding, dijuri, dianugerah dan dihadiah. Bukan juga sebagai metod penyelidikan utk dijadikan artikel dlm jurnal berindeks scopus. @h3roziarah yg hingga kini masih diikhtiarkan jika ada jemputan, adalah usaha untuk memuli.u je. Simpel.

#belas #belasalam #belasinsan #belaswarisan

PURNAMA ALHILAL

This show was one of our ways of connecting and reaching to our audience, especially students, in an intimate way. We flowed towards a meaningful experience beyond the limiting confine of online classes. Life is not about chasing grades or numbers only. We really hope that they can take a break for a while, to stop all the chasing for a while, to chill and relax, to reflect, to enjoy life, to appreciate and be thankful for so many blessings in life. We want them to feel the beautiful vibes of the campus, its awesome natural surrounding and the motherly embrace of Mothernature. We want them to experience beingness, instead of merely chasing knowingness.

We hope we have delivered that. Send us good wishes and doas, so that we can continue running #ALHILALMGTF again in the near future. 

Salam Belas to all.