Terlalu banyak yang Bonda luahkan pada saya sepanjang dia beraya kembali di rumah yang didirikan bersama arwah Ayahanda dengan segala pengorbanan, titik-peluh, keringat, jatuh-bangun, sepak-terajang, suka-duka yang dikongsi bersama lebih 60 tahun bersama. Tak tertulis saya. Saya layan je, walaupun adakalanya kena leter. Kalau saya jawab atau nak cover line (bagi hujah atau alasan macam orang pandai-pandai), hanya buat dia panas je, lebih baik diam. Kalau dia marah pun, dia berhak dan layak. Tambahan pula selepas pemergian Bapak, dah tentulah hati Bonda mudah terguris.
So many things were expressed by my mother during her return and short stay at the house she built together with my late father through so many hard works, sweat and tears, ups and downs, happiness and sorrows shared together for more than 60 years. It was beyond my reach to write about them all. I just entertained her, even though sometimes I had to bear her nagging. If I tried to respond or cover my line (by giving my reasons like I'm so clever), that will only anger her. Better to stay quite. If she wanted to be angry, she deserves to be. Furthermore, after the passing of my late father, she has been understandably more sensitive.
So many things were expressed by my mother during her return and short stay at the house she built together with my late father through so many hard works, sweat and tears, ups and downs, happiness and sorrows shared together for more than 60 years. It was beyond my reach to write about them all. I just entertained her, even though sometimes I had to bear her nagging. If I tried to respond or cover my line (by giving my reasons like I'm so clever), that will only anger her. Better to stay quite. If she wanted to be angry, she deserves to be. Furthermore, after the passing of my late father, she has been understandably more sensitive.
Ini kali pertama Bonda beraya tanpa Bapak. Berat mata memandang, lebih berat hati yang menanggungnya. Saya hanya mampu rakamkan dalam bentuk foto, bersama dengan anak sulung saya, Adeela. Bonda pun dah biasa saya rakam foto dan lukis wajah dia. Memanglah sedih melihat keadaan Bonda, tapi saya perlu berikan Bonda ruang untuk berdepan dengan kesedihan di rumahnya sendiri, pusaka cintanya bersama Arwah.
"Macam hilang tukang menyuluh bila Bapak dah takda. Rasa gelap. Banyak kenangan dalam rumah ni. Mana boleh lupa."
This is the first time my mother had to celebrate Eid without my father around. It broke my heart to see her in sadness, but she is the one who is experiencing it even more. What I could do was to document her through photographs, with my eldest daughter Adeela. After all, she has already been used to me taking her photographs or drawing her face. Of course, it was sad to see her in such sombre mood in her own house, her abode of love with my late father.
"Its like losing a torchlight at night, without your father around. Feel dark. So many memories in this house. How could I forget."
This is the first time my mother had to celebrate Eid without my father around. It broke my heart to see her in sadness, but she is the one who is experiencing it even more. What I could do was to document her through photographs, with my eldest daughter Adeela. After all, she has already been used to me taking her photographs or drawing her face. Of course, it was sad to see her in such sombre mood in her own house, her abode of love with my late father.
"Its like losing a torchlight at night, without your father around. Feel dark. So many memories in this house. How could I forget."
Bukan mudah untuk memadam atau melupakan segala yang dikongsi bersama begitu saja. Ingatan jangka-pendek Bonda mungkin sedikit terjejas, tapi ingatan jangka-panjangnya masih ok. Malah, walaupun seseorang itu boleh menjadi pelupa, itu tidak bermakna mereka lupa untk merasa (takda perasaan).
"Kenapa Mak dan arwah Bapak buat rumah besor sangat macam ni?"
"Senang anak-cucu berkumpul", dia jawab.
It is not easy to erase or forget everything that have been shared together. Her short-term memories might have gradually deteriorated, but her long-term memories are still ok. In fact, she might forget, but she can still feel.
"Why did you and dad built this house so large?"
"So that it would be comfortable for my large family to get together", she answered.
It is not easy to erase or forget everything that have been shared together. Her short-term memories might have gradually deteriorated, but her long-term memories are still ok. In fact, she might forget, but she can still feel.
"Why did you and dad built this house so large?"
"So that it would be comfortable for my large family to get together", she answered.
Dipersembahkan beberapa siri foto yang sempat saya dan Adeela rakamkan untuk tatapan semua. Semoga ia dapat menjentik perasaan ihsan, kasih, hormat dan cinta terhadap insan yang bergelar Bonda dalam hati kita semua. Seperti juga kehilangan memori jangka-pendek Bonda, foto-foto ini menjadi penanda kepada perubahan, peredaran, perlupusan dan per'lupa'an nilai, dari kecekalan generasi kampung pra-merdeka kepada keselesaan generasi bandar pasca merdeka (dan kini kemewahan generasi kota pasca 2000). Siri foto berikut adalah rakaman Bonda dan pusaka cintanya di 390, Jalan Tembusu, Taman Seri Setia, Teluk Intan, Perak.
Presented here are a series of photographs for all to view. We hope that they can instil compassion, love and respect in our hearts to the person we call mom. Like the passing short-term memories of my mother, these photographs can perhaps reflect the changes, disappearances and 'forgetting' of the hardworking pre-independence kampung (rural) generation, to be taken over by values embraced by the comfortable post-independence urban generation (or the lavishness of post-2000 metropolitan generation). The series documents my mother in her abode of love at 390, Jalan Tembusu, Taman Seri Setia, Teluk Intan, Perak.
Photography by Hasnul J Saidon & Delly Adeela
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