A STATE OF BEINGNESS

'Kediaman' is a state of beingness, not a description of an object. 

My experience with @rumahtokcu began as a journey towards silence and peace, 'ke arah diam & aman'. It started in 2016 when I was introduced to a riverside village in Kampung Sungai Buluh, Sedim, Kedah by a friend. 

It was also a time when I was struggling to cope with my 'overthinking' betawaves state, to a point that it began to disrupt my own inner peace, both mentally and emotionally. It also affected my body, physiologically. I suspected that it was triggered by several personal factors, including the passing of my father and my nephew. At one point, I was hospitalized for 3 days, went through few tests, and diagnosed as having a symptom called 'non-voluntary' muscle movement due to overthinking. I was told that it was a 'lifestyle-induced' symptom, that can only be healed by a change of lifestyle choices. Of course, there were different types of 'drugs' available, but I didnt want to add another bad addiction to my existing list of addiction. 

I was told to identify the 'source' of my overthinking, and if possible, get rid of it. If I could not, I was told to choose the correct way, both mentally and emotionally, to deal with it. In short, I needed to carefully and consciously choose what I want to think and feel. I needed to take care of my mental and emotional states, my beingness. If not, the overthinking may cause more damages, some of which would implicate those who were close to me, those whom I loved and cared dearly. 

I knew then that I needed to embark on a journey towards silence and peace, 'ke arah diam & aman = kediaman.' As I struggled to make peace with myself, I had to make few critical decisions that may appear as counter productive if framed within a certain paradigm and set of conditioned thinking. I had to embrace a new paradigm, a paradigm based on traditional cosmology, or a cosmology of sustainability. The 'changes' had to b driven by compassion.

Looking back, the journey has been 6 years. RumahTokCu is now my signifier of 'kediaman'. But more than that, it is about shifting my 'state of beingness' rather than only 'knowingness'.