(a long throwback 1978/9)
Ramadan always envelops me with a certain kind of blues. It lures throwbacks or flasbacks. Perhaps it is like the side & rear mirrors that remind me to look back as I race forward.
The vibe of Ramadan has a certain way of re-booting. The fasting, iftar, sahur, tarawih prayer, zikr, tadarus, all collectively provide the means for detox & re-booting. Time & space seems to warp, folding & unfolding, twisting & overlapping sometimes. At times, especially when I managed to let go, time & space simply dissolve.
No, this is not some #deep thing. Not even a 'thing'. Its about closeness & intimacy in living & being. The blues is like a vehicle, a pre-requisite to drive us to a destination. The destination is love & compassion. The driver is our own heart. But before we could drive on our own, we needed our parents to drive us.
Whenever I wear a white kurta, a jubah, a kopiah, with a serban cloth that my late father gave me, reciting verses during solat, or reciting the Quran with melody (taranum) especially during Ramadan, first thing I felt is my childhood. That includes the experience of being brought to suraus & masjids by my late father since I was 5 or 6, his family kuliahs or ngajis (lectures) and in the case of this posting, my experience of learning the beautiful & sublime art of reciting the Quran from him.
He was my first Guru. He taught me to love the Quran. I participated in many musabaqahs, won few. Whenever I recite, I could feel his presence within me, like a whisper, so close & intimate - "be love Hasnul, not angry. A strong person is a person who is sabar (patience) & can control his anger".
If I missed him, whenever Im alone, pondering about life, I recite the Quran the way he taught me. I could hear him within me.
I remember he used to tell me, "guru can only teach & point, only Allah can award hidayah". At this stage of life, I have learned that hidayah doesnt come without a series of test. Everyone has his or her own test.
As we glance back at our rear & side mirrors while facing our own tests along our path & journey, I pray that all of us be enveloped by LOVE & COMPASSION, and awarded with True Hidayah.
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